The secret behind your inconformity in love
Last Update : May 6, 2019 by Sarah
Love is a complex subject.
We want it, we struggle, then we get it, we are not sure if we want it anymore because we are not sure it is what we imagined… a vicious circle!
It has probably happened to everybody at some point…
…to be in an unhappy situation with your romantic life, with your partner… the eternal question that stalks you: Could I do better?
Love and disappointment… how does it work?
According to a behavioral economist, Dan Ariely, the popular saying that “the grass is greener on the other side” perfectly applies to love.
Indeed, Ariely has published an infographic video on dating habits, in which he states that « when you get to know somebody better, they disappoint you in all kind of ways ».
The reason behind this, is that « when you look at people in general terms, you only see the good things in them », added Ariely. That is why once something is not new anymore, it starts to lack that interest that caught our attention first, and on the other side, the things on the outside, they « look so promising ».
So, if the outside looks so promising, and we tend to see the good things in people before getting to properly know them, is not very hard to understand how disappointment starts to take such an important place in our romantic lives.
Long-term relationships require work. That is common knowledge, however, they also require to be sincere with oneself and to set some goals in your life and more concretely in your romantic life.
I choose to love, and I love you because I know you
Following the explanation of Ariely, people in long-term relationships tend to be more likely to ask themselves the following explosive question:
- « is this what I want for the rest of my life? »
- Especially when « all the other options look so wonderful ».
Such a difficult question… a question which is however inherently attached to our human condition.
A question which follows multiple questions: « should we do it for another day or should we stop now? ».
According to the behavioral economist, the problem that lies behind these questions and behind unhappy relationships is that people tend to think in the short term. And when you don’t want to see the big picture or to set your view onto the horizon, the chances of investing in your relationship are really low.
A vicious circle again, if you don’t invest in your relationship, you will never be happy with what you have as you will always see it as something temporary because something better could be on the outside. In which case, why are you in a relationship in the first place?
If you believe in love, if you believe in your relationship: invest in it.
At the end of the day, if the grass seems greener on the other side, make sure you water more your side.